Section I: General Guidelines
Cognitive Dissonance Evaluation
- Individuals will undergo an in-depth evaluation of cognitive dissonance to determine if they meet the national standards of mental consistency. Non-compliance may lead to deportation.
Socio-Linguistic Analysis
- Individuals will be subjected to a comprehensive analysis of their language use and proficiency to assess the degree of integration and linguistic cohesion. Deviations may result in deportation.
Cultural Integration Test
- An exhaustive test will be administered to measure the cultural integration of individuals, including but not limited to knowledge of local customs, traditions, and culinary standards. Inadequate integration may lead to deportation.
Section II: Specific Criteria for Dutch Citizens
Orange Fatigue Evaluation
- Excessive or disrespectful use of the color orange, including but not limited to consumption of orange sprinkles, will be thoroughly examined. Offenders will be subject to deportation.
Clog Usage Deviation Analysis
- The use of clogs for purposes other than traditional agricultural activities will be monitored and evaluated. Unauthorized use may lead to deportation.
Bicycle Proficiency Test
- Individuals will be tested on their ability to ride a bicycle at a minimum speed of 25 km/h. Unsuccessful participation may result in deportation.
Article Usage Distinction Test
- The correct usage of Dutch articles 'de' and 'het' will be assessed. Deviations may be considered a threat to national language integrity and may lead to deportation.
Sjoelbak Competence Assessment
- Competence in playing sjoelbak, including achieving successful points, will be checked. Lack of skill may result in deportation.
Profanity Mastery Evaluation
- Proficiency in fluent swearing in Dutch will be evaluated as an indicator of integration and cultural understanding. Inability may lead to deportation.
Birthday Greeting Conformity Test
- Handshakes during birthday parties will be assessed to measure the degree of authenticity and integration. Inconsistency may result in deportation.
National Anthem Proficiency Test
- The ability to sing the Wilhelmus with full voice will be tested. Inability may be considered an indication of insufficient loyalty and may lead to deportation.
Rain Complaint Behavior Analysis
- The ability to adequately complain about rain, including the use of appropriate terminology, will be assessed. Inadequate complaint skills may lead to deportation.
Bicycle Parking Etiquette Inspection
- Properly parking bicycles in designated stalls will be checked. Non-compliance may be considered a disturbance of public order and may lead to deportation.
Section III: Deportation of Undocumented Migrants
Migrants wishing to remain in the Netherlands without a valid residence permit will be subjected to a strict deportation protocol, with the above criteria serving as guidance. Their stay will depend on their ability to meet the prescribed standards of integration, language proficiency, and cultural assimilation, and non-compliance may result in immediate deportation from the country.
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